Lately, I have been thinking deeply about relationships and the longing for love. Human beings have a natural desire to connect with others. Organically we search for love as we feel an innate urge to feel fulfilled, have a sense of belonging, and experience the euphoria of being in someone else’s company that we are attracted to.
In my own experience and with many of my clients, our same longings for a loving relationship also exist regarding our own purpose. It is essential to know how to love ourselves, yet it can be easily overlooked. We can’t expect to have the energy to give others when we don’t take the time to understand how we feel inside.
To many, this idea of ‘loving yourself’ is entirely foreign as we may have grown up in family environments where love isn’t the highest priority. So self-love can be a tricky thing to accomplish. However, the absence of self-love can become an abscess. In its place, the longing for external love can become an infatuation—the highest priority.
In this article I want to discuss why self-love, self-acceptance, and self-care should be a goal you work towards. Only when we care about what is happening inside can we open ourselves to others. Everything, including love, starts with us!
The Epidemic of Unworthiness
Sometimes when we look for love, how we behave eventually leads us to a feeling of unworthiness as the search seems to go on forever. We tell ourselves we are not good enough and don’t deserve a sense of belonging. Our self-esteem can hit rock bottom.
The world can be brutal, and the feeling of unworthiness is like a disease that can have extremely dangerous ramifications. Unworthiness often leads to self-victimization. Instead of feeling empowered, we become a victim of circumstance—unable to express our own power. The victim paradigm can impact every facet of our lives, especially our ability to love ourselves and be loved by others.
The sense of unworthiness is a learned trait often bestowed upon us by our parents or guardians. They lacked self-love, were plagued by imposter syndrome, and couldn’t shake the feeling of unworthiness. Now, we are saddled with the same baggage—conditioned to disconnect ourselves from a sense of wholeness, self-respect, and our emotions. The cycle continues, and our relationships suffer.
Manifesting Love In Your Life
If this epidemic of unworthiness resonates with you, I suggest getting back to basics with yourself. Because love is an act of honesty, it gives us all the necessary sensations to want to work towards improvement, betterment, communication, and expression.
Manifesting love in our life starts with us! It’s about being someone who can learn lessons from our own experience and understanding what we need first. Only then can we share in happy relationships and manifest love in our everyday lives with family and friends. A huge part of this is creating a balance between what you can give away and what you need to keep for yourself.
Here are a few tips I stand by that help me manifest love for myself and others in equal parts.
- Learning to say no when it is detrimental to your being.
- Stop giving to others who aren’t showing up themselves.
- Engage with others who understand a fair exchange of love.
- Steer clear of gossip in favor of truth.
It can be painful to manifest love for others that is not reciprocated, especially if it is a close friend, a loved one, or a family member.
Recognizing Negative Relationships
Everyone has had that experience with a close friend or family member where you learn about each other, evolve, and understand each other’s wavelengths. Soon the realization dawns that they are not the person they claim to be. Now, the relationship feels somewhat one-sided. The kind of energy you put into the relationship is not reciprocated similarly. Of course, this can be distressing.
Not too long ago, I had a friend who I was very close to. Over time, however, they began to manifest differently. Sometimes it was outbursts of anger. Other times it was dishonesty. Although I tried to be upfront and have frank discussions, I was rebuffed repeatedly. I felt deflated. Eventually, I let her know that the relationship was no longer working. While this didn’t go over very well, it was essential for my own self-love to end this relationship ASAP.
Having Honest, Truthful Discussions
Manifesting love in our lives can be close to impossible when we’re incapable of having open and honest discussions. We must be able to take the time to hear the other person say what they need to say, even if we don’t agree or have a different viewpoint. What we don’t realize is that by failing to recognize the other person’s feelings, we are depleting and taking away from ourselves as well.
So manifesting love is about being right with ourselves at the highest level. Only then can we build a relationship with someone who can reach us. Forget immaturity, selfishness, and people who are only for themselves. Instead, focus on thoughtful, caring exchanges that will build us up.
Only Through Loving Ourselves Can We Love Others
Attracting pure love starts and ends with us. When we have a clear vision of what we can give and receive and what we’re longing for in our lives, we can manifest love more quickly. It takes courage and understanding to attract love because it means having to look deeply at yourself too.
Too often, we attempt to create loving relationships with people despite having some deep-seated suspicions that they are not suitable for us. Despite this, we keep trying anyway because of self-esteem issues or a fear of another failure. I urge everyone to listen internally and engage in the highest level of honesty possible. From this place, we will form longer-lasting loving relationships with others, as well as with ourselves.
If you’re feeling a little lost in your journey to finding love, I’m here for you! Don’t hesitate – click the link and schedule time with me.